Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dignity is for republicans.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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