Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
