Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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