I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
