five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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