Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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