Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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