Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
