My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
