he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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