You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
