My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wear drunk well.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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