haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
