is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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