You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
