how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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