Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
