She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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