gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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