More tranny stories later!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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