I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
