You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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