i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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