I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
