Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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