he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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