Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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