We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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