I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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