fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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