The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
