I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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