he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
