I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
