I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
