Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
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it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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