I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
