You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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