i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
