Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
