I love black thongs
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
