she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
