oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
