There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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