Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
