Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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