how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize