tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
false alarm, still single
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