Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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