Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
