I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
