Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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