at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
