I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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