ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
