Can i not drive my cunt home
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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