She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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