I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
