i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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