my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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