just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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