What did we do last night that was yellow?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
