How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
