I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
