Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
