Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
