Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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