apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
