so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
