can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
