I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
