"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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