i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
