my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
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Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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