If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
