Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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