Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
