i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
