sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize