if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
