I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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