just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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