His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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